Tonight, Mrs Fester and I decided to attend Agatha Christie's 'The Mousetrap' at the Venue Cymru.
I booked the tickets because we both quite like the theatre, The Mousetrap is an iconic production, and after 60 years I am ashamed to say that I knew nothing about the play. I was looking forward to it immensely.
Sadly, it was one of the worst decisions I have ever made.
It was an evening of pretentious nonsense, inaudible actors, and uncomfortable silences.
We actually moved on two occasions to see if we could physically hear the dialogue above the coughing, spluttering and sweetie-unwrapping of the audience. But no.
The 2nd Act is sightly more bearable than the first, if only because something actually happens, and also because one becomes excited by the fact that the ordeal is nearly over.
The backdrop scenery is beautifully done, but the positives end there. The play itself is replete with unconvincing characters, with unclear motives and weak performances by a troupe of actors/actresses who are vaguely recognisable from bit parts in TV soaps.
I won't tell you 'whodunnit', but I would be doing you a great favour if I did.
At the beginning of the 2nd Act, we moved to a superb seat at the very centre-front of the Circle balcony. But even there we both failed to hear at least 25% of the actor's dialogue. It was simply not enjoyable.
Finally, the most damning condemnation of all, the lady sat next to my wife was ASLEEP throughout the entire 2nd half, and then she had the audacity to applaud at the very end! The Emperor's New Clothes springs to mind.
If people were honest in their 'heart of hearts' they would admit that this is just not an acceptable standard of entertainment, and everyone present must have seen better productions in their local church halls by amateurs.
Despite paying £60 for our tickets, my wife URGED me to join her and leave the theatre at the interval. I'm glad I didn't because I couldn't have passed a genuine opinion on the entire charade, but I must listen to her in future.
Finally, I do understand that this play has been performed for 60 years now, but in my opinion that is 59 and a half years too long and it is high time it was consigned to the dustbin of literary history.
A waste of time and money.