Clean Jokes

[Bri Roberts]

Gary Glitter taken away by police,

They knocked and shouted: 'Come on, Come on, Come on, Come on, Come on, Come on, Come on.'

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-20114378

[Yorkie]

Apparently they found class a drugs in his lounge, class b in his kitchen and class 5c in his bedroom!   

[Bri Roberts]

 

[Nemesis]

http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=22984504&server=vimeo.com&show_title=0&show_byline=0&show_portrait=0&color=00adef&fullscreen=1&autoplay=1&loop=0

Had this sent today !!! Tickled my warped sense of humour!

[Llechwedd]

Thre men died and happened to arrive at the same time at the Pearly Gates.  St. Peter met them and told them that as it was Christmas they had to produce something to demonstrate the Festive spirit before he would let them in.
The English man produced a lighter and lit it and said Candles?  St peter let him in.
The Scotsman produced a key ring, shook it and said bells? St. Peter let him in.
The Irish man was frantically hunting through his pockets and then produced with a flourish a pair of knickers.  St Peter raised an eyebrow.
They're Carol's said the Irish man.

[Yorkie]

I object - racism at it's very worst! WWW

[Llechwedd]

 

[snowcap]

what is paddy,s name, my wife,s carol

[Llechwedd]

 

[Ian]

A couple were Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve and the whole place was heaving, packed with other last minute shoppers.

Walking through the shopping centre the surprised wife looked up from a window display and noticed her husband was nowhere to be seen. She knewthey had lots still to do and she became very upset.

She rummaged in her handbag and found her mobile phone then used it to call her husband to ask him where he was.

The husband in a calm voice replied: "Darling, you remember the jewellery shop we went into five years ago, where you fell in love with that diamondnecklace that we could not afford and I told you that one day I would getit for you...?"

His wife's eyes filled with tears of emotion, she began to cry softly and
stifling a sob she whispered:"Yes, I remember that jewellery shop..."

"Well," he said, "I'm in the pub next to that."

[Fester]

Ha ha, nice one Ian.

My new girlfriend has informed me that it will be at least 6 months before she will sleep with me.

I have told her that I totally understand and respect her decision, and I will call her nearer the time.

[Ian]

A Northerner decided to wash his sports shirt. He opened the washing machine then stopped, thinking for a minute.

He shouted to his missus, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "Newcastle United.”

[Fester]

Today, I saw a guy I know who has no arms and no legs.
He was waiting at the Bus Stop.

I said 'Hi, How are you getting on?

[Tosh]

Today I saw a man at the bus stop with only one arm and one leg.
I said " hello, can I give you a hand, hop on.?

[Yorkie]

Today, I saw a guy I know who has no arms and no legs.
He was waiting at the Bus Stop.

I said 'Hi, How are you getting on?

He said ,"Don't worry about that.  You should see how I ring the bell when I want to get off!"