64 Ways to Piss off Cops
1) When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer,
there's no blood in my alcohol?"
2) When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to
race.
3) When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.
4) If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say, "No, my
speedometer only goes to......"
5) Touch him.
6) When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a
hat.
7) Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
Refer to him by his first name.
9) Pretend you are gay and ask him out.
10) When he says "No", cry.
11) If he says "Yes", accuse him of sexual harassment.
12) If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
13) If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself
on the hood.
14) When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that way.
15) When he puts the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me
dinner first"
16) Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink on
your fingers.
17) After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's
the wrong name."
18) Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just
ate the last one.
19) When he comes up to the car, say "License and registration,
please" right when he says it.
20) When he goes to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear
you!"
21) Trip and fall into him.
22) Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes you away.
23) Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with
his pen.
24) Chew on the pen, nervously.
25) Clean your ear with the pen.
26) If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring.
27) Ask if he has a daughter. If he says "Yes", say, "I thought the name
sounded familiar....."
28) Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says "Yes", ask him
how the plumbing was.
29) Act like you are retarded.
30) When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him,
quietly.
31) Or mumble to yourself.
32) When he tells you to stop, say, "What are you talking about, DUDE?"
33) Drive to Dunkin Donuts and say, "Hmmm....only 5 of you here
tonight......."
34) Ask if they know how to make the donuts.
35) When he comes to the car, say "I have a badge just like yours!"
36) Ask if he watches Cops.
37) Ask if ever watched Cop Rock.
38) Giggle if he did.
39) Talk to your hand.
40) Ask if he knows someone named Rosy Palm and her Five Favourite
Friends.
41) Accuse him of Sexual Harassment if he does.
42) When he frisks you, say "You missed a spot", and grin.
43) When he asks to inspect your car, say "There is no alcohol in my
car, sir, the last cop got it."
44) Try to sell him your car.
45) Ask if you can buy his car.
46) If he takes you to the station, Ask to sit in front.
47) Play with the siren.
48) If you know him, say you had his wife for dinner.
49) If you don't know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner.
50) Oops...I meant OVER for dinner.
51) Ask if he ever had pu-tang.
52) If he asks what it is, point at him and giggle.
53) If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues.
54) When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him and laugh.
55) When you are in the back, touch his neck through the fencing.
56) Turn your head and whistle.
57) When he pulls out his night stick, say, "What you gonna do with
that?"
58) If you are female, say "I don't do that on the first date."
59) If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck
your thumb, and whine.
60) Ask if you can see his gun.
61) When he says you aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if
mine was bigger.
62) Stare at his lights and say "Look at the pretty colours!"
63) Tell him you like men in uniform.
64) Ask him if you can wear his uniform to a Halloween party
