Author Topic: Dreadful jokes  (Read 48598 times)

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Offline SteveH

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #90 on: December 21, 2020, 11:15:48 am »
Sorry some recent doubles here  :(

Two blondes were going to Disneyland.

They were driving on the

Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.

FLORIDA OR MOON

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking,

and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther

away... Florida or the moon?'The other blonde turns and says

'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the

Mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling

smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'

She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he

could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act

together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you

expect me to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde

on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You

ARE on the other side.'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body

hurt wherever she touched it.'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then

she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and

screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched

made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?

'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said,

'Your finger is broken.'

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at

the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked

down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'

'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.

The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' The American said, 'We were the

first on the moon!' The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on

the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their

heads.'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the

dice and she landed on Science & Nature.Her question was, 'If you are in a

vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'She thought for a time and

then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,

And asked her what their names were.The blonde responded by saying that

one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever

heard of someone naming dogs like that?''HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answer

Offline Ian

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #91 on: December 21, 2020, 11:26:12 am »
LOL!
Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.  ― Michel de Montaigne

Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes.


Offline Hugo

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #92 on: December 21, 2020, 04:38:44 pm »
We must have had  similar e-mails Steve but I was reading mine again and at the end was this one:
-BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL
BLONDE JOKES!

In the
swim-meet, after the blond
came in last competing in
the breast-stroke, she
complained to the judges
that

“all the
other girls were using
their arms.”









Offline SteveH

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #93 on: December 24, 2020, 04:08:12 pm »
Scientific diet

Offline SteveH

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Re: Dreadful Xmas jokes
« Reply #94 on: December 25, 2020, 10:56:16 am »
Merry Xmas to one and all........

Offline SteveH

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #95 on: December 29, 2020, 10:11:16 am »
Really Dreadful :-[

Offline SteveH

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #96 on: January 03, 2021, 09:52:00 am »
 ;)

Offline SteveH

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #97 on: January 05, 2021, 09:54:58 am »
 ;)

Offline SteveH

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #98 on: January 26, 2021, 09:55:32 am »
Hurt my arm this morning and had to go to hospital for an x-ray, as I was sitting waiting to be seen, the lad next to me says," Fair fae yer honest sonsie face! Great chieftain o' the puddin race!!" I was like, eh?!?!., I turned my head round to the the lady sat on my other side, she said, " ! Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie!" , As I grabbed the next doc walking past I said, "excuse me, is this the psychiatric ward?" He says," no this is the burns unit!
Happy Robert Burns day Everyone !  (Yesterday)

Offline Cordyline

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #99 on: January 26, 2021, 11:55:57 am »
Anastasia: Come over, Joseph!

Stalin: Can't, I'm sending people to the Gulag

Anastasia: My parents aren't at home

Stalin: I know