Funny true stories

[Pendragon]

Revels

I was sitting quietly eating a big bag of revels watching the tv one night. Hubby kept pinching sweets from the bag then whinging as he kept picking out the coffee ones "ah I hate the coffee and orange ones" he kept saying spitting them out into the bin. He was doing my head in! So I took the bag off him "give them here, I'll sort some out for you (snigger snigger). I began sifting through them. "theres a toffee one, and another" I said as I passed him the sweets, I sorted him out about 10 toffee ones. "thanks Ang" he said. He threw the hand full I'd given him into his mouth. I started laughing as he began to chew. His face changed when he realised I'd sorted him out all the Coffee and Orange ones. He ran to the bin to spit them out. I found it highly amusing, he wasn't impressed at all. At least he left me to eat the rest of the bag in peace.  Shame............I do love him really.

[Fester]

Revels eh?    See the niggles thread.

[Pendragon]

Revels eh?    See the niggles thread.

Yeah Fester, just read it now, never needed to re-seal the packs to be honest.  I like the way the market the big bags, as if your going to share your munchies with the kids and their friends.  Not a chance. Sweets aren't good for kids anyway are they?  WWW :twoface:

[Pendragon]

My first pet.

Every now and again I think about my first dog, she was beautiful the cutest little dog you've ever seen. We got her from the kennels in Pen, she was a cross between a cairn terrier and a poodle. She was a mass of curly, long blonde fur all you could see was her little black nose.  My eldest was 4yrs at the time so as you do I let him chose the name, he chose Shaggy.  It seemed a really fitting name ,so I agreed, completely oblivious of how embarrassing the name Shaggy could be and believe me it was embarrassing!
There was the time we couldn't find her in the woods by our house, I was running round shouting "Shaggy, Shaggy here girl" with other dog walkers looking at me weird. 
Shaggy never had a lead, she always stayed one step behind me, she'd walk up to school with us everyday, on one occasion she was on heat though and I didn't realise, I honestly thought the Jack Russell that stalked me for days.......and it was days...everytime I left the house, there it was sitting on the hill by the station, tail wagging ....well I thought it was just wanting to be friends. When I realised, I kept Shaggy in the house. One day on returning from school, there was the Jack Russell waiting on the hill as usual. Not realising Shaggy was lying in wait, I opened the door.  Out she ran and flew up the hill.  Next thing you know, their at it!!  They got "stuck together", I didn't know this happened, until a guy called Phil came over laughing and informed me " I'll need a bucket of water to separate them" he said  I ran in the house and came back with the water. Phil said "which one is yours". "the little white female" I said pointing toward the yelping pair. "shame....what's her name?" he said.
 "erm.........Shaggy" I muttered  "ha ha ha "he laughed "she has been now"  I kid you not I wanted to die.
 

[Pendragon]

Bing Crosby

The story is told, apocryphal no doubt, of the DJ working on a small and remote radio station in Scotland midway through his programme late at night on 1 October 1977. News came to the station that Bing Crosby had died (the station producer happened to be on the phone to the States and picked the word up almost as it occurred). The DJ thought he could possibly be the first person in the UK to publicly announce the death, so he put on a long track and rushed off to record library to get an old recording to play. Upon returning, nervously excited by now, he put the first record onto the turntable without looking at it and broke into the record then playing with a sombre voice: 'I am deeply sorry to have to inform' you listeners that I have just received news from America of a great tragedy. The legendary Bing Crosby is dead. As a humble tribute, I would like to play one of his songs,' and as he switched over to his Crosby 'selection', the melody was beamed out, 'Heaven . . . I'm in Heaven...'

 

[Trojan]

 L0L

[Hugo]

Yorkies stories of Portugal reminded me of my holiday in the Algarve when we stayed in a small fishing village called Carvoeiro.  The hotel was near the sea and behind it was some scrubland which lead to those cliffs that Portugal is famous for.  We explored the scrubland and came across a small circular wall that seemed to be protecting an old mine shaft but there were no warning signs there.  I could hear the sound of water below and as I didn't want to go near the shaft curiosity got the better of me and I tossed a small stone down the hole and a few seconds later heart it splash into the water.  I thought no more about it and carried on enjoying the holiday,
A few days later we had a trip on a small open boat and went along the coast until we could see our hotel. At the bottom of the cliff was a large dark cave and the boatowner took us inside the cave. Once inside this dark cavern we stopped the boat and immediately above us we could see a beam of light coming from the roof of the cave and my immediate thoughts were "Oh s**t  I hope there's  not another dickhead up there chucking stones down here"
Anyway we were ok and enjoyed the rest of the trip and the holiday but it's a lesson for next time.
It's a lovely place and I can understand why Yorkie enjoys it so much.

[Pendragon]

My ace mate Gail

My mate Gail is a real star, the kind of mate you can always rely on to help out, always there if you need her.
One night there she was watching tv, when suddenly water started pouring into the kitchen from her neighbours flat above.  She rushed up to help out as her neighbour  is elderly.  She located the leak and phoned the plumber, however Gail is also very inquisitive. The floor boards were soaking and Gail leaned over to see how much damage had been done, as she did she missed her footing and went straight through the floor and of course her ceiling.  Her husband was downstairs and had a fit when he saw her legs dangling through the kitchen.  Her husband and the plumber managed to pull Gail up through the floor boards laughing uncontrolably. She  said her goodbyes and hobbled back down to her flat. As she came round the corner she saw a guy trying to navigate passed parked cars on the road, being Gail she offered again to help, she began guiding the car through, tripped on a pipe and butted the guys bonnet. 

Her exploits left her with severe bruising a swollen forehead and 3 days off work, Bless   L0L L0L

[Trojan]

My ace mate Gail

My mate Gail is a real star

It's not Gail Starr from the Morfa is it? 

[Pendragon]

My ace mate Gail

My mate Gail is a real star

It's not Gail Starr from the Morfa is it? 

No mate it's not 

[Pendragon]

My Mum

Years ago my mother worked in the imperial hotel.  She was a waitress in the restaurant, they had a group of golfers in. One of the guys at the table was particularly rowdy. You know the kind likes the sound of his own voice and thinks he's hilarious.....but isn't. He had made various lets say inapropriate comments to my mum and a couple of other girls working the same table,  My mum bought over his meal, in this instance a steak, she placed the plate in front of this guy but as she went to walk away he began clicking his fingers and said "excuse me" my mum turned and said "yes sir" the guy looked at his steak, turned to look at my mother then looked back at the steak and said "what do you call this sh#t !" laughing and making a show. My mother looked at the guy turned to looked down at the steak then back to the guy and said
"which sh#t are you refering to".  L0L L0L

[Pendragon]

My mum strikes again

As I said earlier my mum worked in the Imperial hotel. She was telling me about another time she was waiting on in the restaurant.  She was serving a large group of men (probably golfers again lol) one of them was trying to get my mums attention by snapping his fingers and calling "ay garcon, garcon" my mum turned to look at him he started laughing and shouted  "erm....can I have sex" my mum smiled back at him and said "I don't know?.......can you?"  classic

  L0L

[Pendragon]

Arfon Taxi

Arfon the local taxi driver takes young kids to school every morning.  One morning while doing his "run" a young lad was playing up in the back of the car, he was messing around and shouting, Arfon told him to behave.  After about 2 minutes the lad started again. So Arfon looking through his mirror at the boy said "what's your name so I can tell your mother" the boy looking puzzled said "my mum knows  my name"

Kids they're  ace
  L0L

[Trojan]

 L0L L0L L0L

[Quiggs]

A friend of mine is a Chef. in a local hotel, he told me of an incident where one of the customers, when told by the waitress to be careful of the plates being hot, grabbed hold of the plate and said "Hot, that's not hot" The waitress had got fed up with this and told the Chef. He replied " leave it me " the next meal he gave the plates to the waitress with the instruction to give the top plate to the complaining customer, warning her to handle with the cloth in double thickness. A few moments later there was a scream from the dining room. He'd had that plate under the grill until it was almost glowing red hot. There were no more comments from the awkward one!