Look, there is a battle of wills going on in my house between me and a GIANT SPIDER.
I hate them, but to overcome my loathing and fear of them, my Mum sent me a humane spider catching machine. Its basically a little clear plastic box with a sliding door, and its on a stick. £3.99 from Kleeneze.
You basically stick the box over the spider, slide the little door shut.... and pop him outside.
I can even hold him up close, tease him, examine him.... tell him a little joke even, before relocating the little blighter.
But now, one of the species has got wise to me.
He emerges from the conservatory, scuttles across the floor.... but as soon as I make a move for the 'catcher', he stops dead, turns round and speedily retreats.
So adept is the spider at this game, that I now only have to move my hand toward the machine.... and he spots me, and he's gone.
Drastic action is required, or I will have to sell the house to escape him. In fact he is rivalled only by the Corona pop salesman and CCBC parking attendants in its tenacity and ability to annoy me.
Hang on..... here he is again.... I'll just get the....
No, he's seen me, he's gone again.