An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar.
The Englishman wanted to go so they all had to leave.
“People were confused by the arguments either way – they interviewed people the next day on the news, one bloke was like ‘I voted leave but I didn’t really want to leave Europe’ – there were two options on the form, how did you screw that up? Another bloke said ‘I just voted Leave to get the Muslims out’ – he’s in for a shock when he finds out Muslims don’t come from Luxembourg.”
VOTERS: we want to give a boat a ridiculous name
UK: no
VOTERS: we want to break up the EU and trash the world economy
UK: fine
Have we tried unplugging 2016 waiting ten seconds and plugging it back in?
“‘In and out’, it’s a very hard decision. It’s like the other day, my flatmate was making me a peppermint tea, and he said ‘would you like bag leaving in, or taken out?’ If you leave the bag in, on the whole the cup of tea itself will get stronger, and it might appear that the bag is getting weaker, but it’s now part of a stronger cup of tea. Whereas if you take the bag out, the tea’s now quite weak, but the bag itself goes directly in the bin.”
How did the Brexit chicken cross the road?
"I never said there was a road. Or a chicken".
I know it's not very "politically correct" to say it out loud but in the wasteland of ruined Britain I am going to hunt and eat old people
“Michael Gove’s right, we don’t need expert analysis. Especially now, they’re all saying we’re screwed.”