Author Topic: Dreadful jokes  (Read 50459 times)

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Offline Yorkie

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #60 on: December 02, 2012, 11:01:49 am »
 They really were dreadful, I couldn't raise a meagre smile for any one of them!    :-X
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Fools have to say something.
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Offline Gwynant

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #61 on: December 02, 2012, 11:15:33 am »
                Did you hear about the dyslexic man who choked to death on his own Vimto?


Offline Yorkie

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #62 on: December 02, 2012, 12:26:01 pm »
                Did you hear about the dyslexic man who choked to death on his own Vimto?

No!  Please tell.     :)

And here is the speel chequers peom:

Eye have a spelling chequer,
It came with my Pea Sea.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss Steaks I can knot sea.

Eye strike the quays and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am write oar wrong
It tells me straight a weigh.

Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your shore real glad two no.
Its vary polished in it's weigh.
My chequer tolled me sew.

A chequer is a bless thing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right all stiles of righting,
And aides me when eye rime.

Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The chequer pours o'er every word
Two cheque sum spelling rule.


 ;D
Wise men have something to say.
Fools have to say something.
Cicero

Offline Ian

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #63 on: January 12, 2013, 04:00:31 pm »
Not mine - but you might enjoy them....

To commemorate the release of the topless photos of Kate Middleton,
Royal Doulton will be releasing a Collector's Edition of two small jugs

-----------------------

7 wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40

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A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt
................. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...
---------------------

Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Years Riots....
Your One Year Manufacturers Warranty Runs Out Soon

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"ITS A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, ITS A BOY" and with tears streaming down my face
I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel!!!

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2 Indian junkies accidental snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.  They’re both in hospital... one's in a korma…
the other's got a dodgy tikka!

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The 100m final at the 2012 Olympics was just like any other Friday night in Brixton.
You heard a gunshot followed by 8 black guys legging it!

----------------------------

In the first few days of the Olympics the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper, lead
and anything else they could get their bloody hands on

-------------------------------

Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth
Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.  ― Michel de Montaigne

Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes.

Offline Fester

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #64 on: January 13, 2013, 01:17:22 am »
For the first time in seven years, my wife was very responsive during sex this evening.

I see that as a very positive sign.  Just maybe she is coming out of that coma?
Fester...
- Semper in Excretum, Sole Profundum Variat -

Offline Michael

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #65 on: January 18, 2013, 11:38:41 am »
    TESCO BEEFBURGER;    TO EAT OR NOT TO EAT THAT IS EQUESTRIAN

Offline Ian

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #66 on: January 18, 2013, 12:09:43 pm »
 _))* _))* _))* Excellent!  One of the most dreadful I've heard!
Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.  ― Michel de Montaigne

Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes.

Offline Hugo

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #67 on: January 18, 2013, 02:20:11 pm »
In light of the news re Tesco's and their beefburger content...here a a few of the latest doing the rounds


There is a new line of kids' burgers being sold in discount supermarkets.

They're called My Lidl Pony.


I've heard that Tesco burgers are low in fat, but high in Shergar.
I just checked my Tesco burgers in the fridge, and................... They're Off!

Iceland Burgers are to be renamed Shetland Burgers.


Traces of Zebra have been found in Tesco barcodes.
 
Sainsburys have Jamie Oliver, Waitrose have Heston Bloomentall. Apparently Tesco are in talks with Frankie Dettori...



The Tesco cafe lady asked me if I wanted anything on my burger. I said "Ok, I'll have £5 each way!"


Despite reports in the media, UK supermarkets announce that their burger sales figures remain stable




I think I'm getting death threats... someone left a burger on my pillow



I think I'll switch to Tesco’s meatballs, apparently they're the dogs bollocks...

 
 

Offline Merddin Emrys

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #68 on: January 18, 2013, 03:52:31 pm »
 _))* very good!
A pigeon is for life not just Christmas

Offline mull

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #69 on: January 19, 2013, 10:57:13 am »
Better get down to Tescos

Next delivery is coming in at 10/1.

The last lot must have been off, ended up with the trots.

Offline Gwynant

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #70 on: January 30, 2013, 07:32:31 pm »
                 In the papers today it was reported that Man. Utd. player Paul Scholes had his car stolen recently as it stood outside his house with the engine running to de-frost the windscreen. Apparently he tried to tackle the thieves but as was the norm throughout his playing days his timing was out and he got there far too late.   
                                                                                             WWW   

Offline Yorkie

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #71 on: January 31, 2013, 11:27:21 am »
In fact, one could say he played an own goal!    ;D
Wise men have something to say.
Fools have to say something.
Cicero

Offline Fester

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #72 on: February 23, 2013, 10:51:28 pm »
Oscar Pistorius was keen on buying a new bathroom door.

But his girlfriend was dead against it.
Fester...
- Semper in Excretum, Sole Profundum Variat -

Offline born2run

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #73 on: February 23, 2013, 11:32:07 pm »

Singer Neil Diamond started his career as Neil Coal, he changed his name when the pressure got to him.

Offline Ian

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Re: Dreadful jokes
« Reply #74 on: February 24, 2013, 07:36:42 am »
:-)))))  Two jokes that really do belong in this category  L0L L0L L0L

Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.  ― Michel de Montaigne

Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes.