Author Topic: Less clean jokes: adults only  (Read 174285 times)

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Yorkie

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #135 on: November 17, 2010, 09:15:30 am »
How on Earth was he catching a flea in his shirt?    Z**

Offline dontheturner

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #136 on: November 18, 2010, 06:26:36 am »
Hello Mr Yorkie, I did fervently hope, I would not have to explain this , in simple terms, so I must apologise, if I am posting this to you, under the wrong heading.
As I am probably, one of the most senior posters, on this web site, so far be it for me, to be teaching anyone, a little of Britain's history!   As aboy in the 1930's, Britain's houses, were small, cramped, and very close together - so were a breeding ground for Fleas. Bathrooms, were a luxury, not possessed by the working class. nor were there such clothes as ''Pyjamas'' - so the normal working man, such as all my Father, Uncles, and Grandfather, too, came home, bathed out in the Scullery or brewhouse, (Kitchen), then, if retiring for the night, donned a ''nightshirt'' and went to bed.  If, as often happened there was a flea in the bed, biting all in sight, & you needed to remove it, and you foolishly put on a gas light, or lighted a candle, the flea would qucikly make an exit, so fast - the trick to solving this dilemma, was to feel for it, biting, then trap it, in your nightshirt., and squeeze the very life out of it, with fingers, and thumb.- Along came Keatings powder - which solved the problem, as more inhabitants, used the powder, and so killed off thousands of these pesky fleas..  I am amazed, Mr Yorkie, you had to ask.  But not all can be as informed as me, I suppose..  Thanks for asking - dontheturner..


Offline dontheturner

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #137 on: November 18, 2010, 06:45:03 am »
Sorry Mr Yorkie - but I forgot to mention, that the Nightshirt, extended, well down the calf - and could therefore be easily used, for catching them.  However I also forgot to explain , the punch line, due to the fact, that should he have decided, (without consulting his Wife) to ''Let it go'' - then most likely, she would have got it, with obvious consquences,
 ,  Thank you   dontheturner

Yorkie

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #138 on: November 18, 2010, 08:46:31 am »
Sorry Mr Yorkie - but I forgot to mention, that the Nightshirt, extended, well down the calf - and could therefore be easily used, for catching them.  However I also forgot to explain , the punch line, due to the fact, that should he have decided, (without consulting his Wife) to ''Let it go'' - then most likely, she would have got it, with obvious consquences,
 ,  Thank you   dontheturner

Having been conceived and born in the 1930's myself, I can well remember the trials and tribulation of life during that period.  Cardboard insoles to one's shoes to cover the holes in the sole, and especially wearing hand me down clothes.    I was the youngest of three and had what my Sister had outgrown despite my being of the opposite sex.   It all went well until one day I turned up at school in a rather nice dress.  The only problem was the teacher was sporting the very same colour and style.  I can tell you he was not too pleased!

We never had fleas as the bloody great cockroaches kept them at bay!

I suppose you also remember, bread and dripping, Money for jam jars, milk from a churn, rationing and the silence when the buzz bomb engine stopped and you waited for the explosion!
 
Our house
« Last Edit: November 18, 2010, 08:55:12 am by Yorkie »

Offline Fester

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #139 on: November 18, 2010, 09:39:13 am »
Yorkie, what do you MEAN, do I remember bread and dripping .... its my favourite food in the whole world even today!

Nothing better than collecting the juices from a roast pork joint or chops.... then waiting a few hours....  and spread it (nice an thinly) on bread with a little salt.

MMMMMMMMMM

Fester...
- Semper in Excretum, Sole Profundum Variat -

Offline dontheturner

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #140 on: November 18, 2010, 09:40:51 am »
Sorry Mr Yorkie - but I forgot to mention, that the Nightshirt, extended, well down the calf - and could therefore be easily used, for catching them.  However I also forgot to explain , the punch line, due to the fact, that should he have decided, (without consulting his Wife) to ''Let it go'' - then most likely, she would have got it, with obvious consquences,
 ,  Thank you   dontheturner

Having been conceived and born in the 1930's myself, I can well remember the trials and tribulation of life during that period.  Cardboard insoles to one's shoes to cover the holes in the sole, and especially wearing hand me down clothes.    I was the youngest of three and had what my Sister had outgrown despite my being of the opposite sex.   It all went well until one day I turned up at school in a rather nice dress.  The only problem was the teacher was sporting the very same colour and style.  I can tell you he was not too pleased!
We never had fleas as the bloody great cockroaches kept them at bay!
I suppose you also remember, bread and dripping, Money for jam jars, milk from a churn, rationing and the silence when the buzz bomb engine stopped and you waited for the explosion!
 Our house
I was standing at the Top of the Bull Ring in Birmingham, watching firemen fighting the devastation, - my favourite shop - 'Hobbies', was no more.  At the age of 13, we were collecting Paper salvage, for our schools' War Effort., Yes but that also means, you knew about Night shirts?    Eh Yorkie - the photo you have posted, was my shed down the garden!

Yorkie

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #141 on: November 18, 2010, 11:20:45 am »
Little inquisitive Boy, asks his Mother at breakfast,  ''Was Dad catching fleas in bed last night, Mom?''
Being cautious, she says ''Why do you ask?  he replies ''Well, Mom, I thought i heard Dad say to you, Shall I catch it in my shirt, or shall I let it go?''

I've got it now!  Eureeka!  Of course what you were really refering to was the ejaculation fluid!  How silly of me!  L0L   

Offline Nemesis

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #142 on: November 18, 2010, 11:25:35 am »
Which area of Yorkshire was your house in? :o ;D :-\
Mad, Bad and Dangerous to know.

Yorkie

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #143 on: November 18, 2010, 11:30:20 am »
Peniston on't Moor.     *&(

Offline Pendragon

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #144 on: November 18, 2010, 11:50:10 am »
A magician on a cruise ship is constantly having his tricks spoilt by the ships parrot, every time he does a trick the parrot shouts "it's in his pocket, 4 of clubs, it's got a false bottom! the magician feckin hates it. That night the ship sinks and him and the parrot cling to a piece of driftwood, for four days the parrot say's feck all, just stares at him.......On the fifth day the parrot say's "Ok I give up where's the feckin ship gone!"

 _))*
Only hindsight has 20/20 vision
Angiegram - A romantic notion derived from the more mundane truth.

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

Offline dontheturner

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #145 on: November 19, 2010, 02:03:55 am »
Little inquisitive Boy, asks his Mother at breakfast,  ''Was Dad catching fleas in bed last night, Mom?''
Being cautious, she says ''Why do you ask?  he replies ''Well, Mom, I thought i heard Dad say to you, Shall I catch it in my shirt, or shall I let it go?''

I've got it now!  Eureeka!  Of course what you were really refering to was the ejaculation fluid!  How silly of me!  L0L   
Good Lord!  Yorkie - what kind of mind to you have?  I meant the Flea, of course - biting his Wife.  dontheturner

Offline dontheturner

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #146 on: November 20, 2010, 07:25:27 am »
 
  Since we are approaching the season of goodwill - here is an appropriate funny:-

3 guys died, one Christmas Eve, and neared the gates of Heaven, where St Peter waited to greet them, and St Peter, said, As this is the festive season, you must each show me something that represents Christmas.  The first guy, felt in his pocket, and pulled out a Cigarette lighter, When asked what it Represented, he  said, well it reminds, of a candle - the light of Jesus.  St Peter, said very good, you may enter Heaven.
The second one produced a bunch of keys, and shook them saying - these represent the bells of heaven,   St Peter, said you too, may enter Heaven.  The third guy, felt into his trousers pocket, and produced a pair of panties, and said, these are Carol's.
 PS  Maybe Yorkie, (being the Wise Old Sage like me), will know if he got in, as I was not told. Don

Offline Scott

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #147 on: November 20, 2010, 11:44:12 pm »
Yorkie, what do you MEAN, do I remember bread and dripping .... its my favourite food in the whole world even today!

Nothing better than collecting the juices from a roast pork joint or chops.... then waiting a few hours....  and spread it (nice an thinly) on bread with a little salt.

MMMMMMMMMM


I can picture it now and I used to think you had a little bit of good taste Fester but it made me feel rather sick when I read that :P I guess spreading it (nice an thinly) makes it ok? _))* Obviously moving from Yorkshire to Wales hasn't helped your healthy eating regime  :'(

Yorkie

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #148 on: November 22, 2010, 03:35:37 pm »
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the bottle."

Offline barney

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #149 on: November 22, 2010, 05:25:24 pm »
I like that one  Yorkie _))* _))* _))*