Author Topic: Less clean jokes: adults only  (Read 174525 times)

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Yorkie

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #225 on: March 05, 2011, 04:32:10 pm »
The ladies' toast.

Here's to America
The land of push,
Where a bird in the hand,
Is worth two in the bush.

But if in the bush
A maiden should stand.
A push in the bush
Is worth two in the hand!

brumbob

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #226 on: March 06, 2011, 06:36:47 pm »
Those of us who fall into the world of hi-tech should take note of the importance of correct grammar.

MANY people who text messages & email, have forgotten the "art" of capitalization.

Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

I know you'll appreciate this reminder.


Offline barney

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #227 on: March 08, 2011, 09:30:36 pm »
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the Street activities.
 
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
 
'There's a car being towed from the car park,' he shouted.
 
'An ambulance just drove by!'
 
'Looks like the Anderson 's have company,' he called out.
 
'Matt's riding a new bike!'
 
'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
 
'Jason is on his skate board!
 
After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are shagging!!'
 
Startled, his mum and dad shot up in bed!
 
Dad cautiously called out,
'How do you know they're shagging?'
 
'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Mars Bar'.

 

Offline born2run

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #228 on: March 11, 2011, 10:15:41 pm »
I left my car in a car park the other day, when I came back to it the bumper and rear lights were all smashed up. Then I found this note under the wiper. It said:

I just accidentally reversed into your car.
Quite a few people saw me do it.
They think I'm leaving my name and details.
Well, I'm not.

Offline Pendragon

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #229 on: March 11, 2011, 10:18:15 pm »
Those of us who fall into the world of hi-tech should take note of the importance of correct grammar.

MANY people who text messages & email, have forgotten the "art" of capitalization.

Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

I know you'll appreciate this reminder.
_))* _))*  L0L L0L  wicked Bob Classic
Only hindsight has 20/20 vision
Angiegram - A romantic notion derived from the more mundane truth.

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

Offline Pendragon

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #230 on: March 11, 2011, 10:26:38 pm »
I told my wife I kept getting a burning sensation in my ass and didn't know what it was.  She said "ring sting."  I said "what makes you think he'll know?"
Only hindsight has 20/20 vision
Angiegram - A romantic notion derived from the more mundane truth.

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

Offline Trojan

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #231 on: March 14, 2011, 12:13:12 am »
I told my wife I kept getting a burning sensation in my ass and didn't know what it was.  She said "ring sting."  I said "what makes you think he'll know?"

He soothes his in the bath.  :D

Offline Trojan

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #232 on: March 14, 2011, 12:16:02 am »
Positive proof of global warming.

brumbob

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #233 on: March 15, 2011, 07:05:24 pm »
The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze."

"The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Jor huzban he say so."

Wife: "Oh yeah?"

Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Jor hozban did."

Wife increasingly agitated:

"Oh he did did he???"

Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth. "And did my husband say that as well?"

Maria: "No Señora....... The gardener did."

Wife: "So how much do you want?"

Offline Pendragon

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #234 on: March 16, 2011, 09:20:21 pm »
The 2011 car reg's are out a famous Jockey bought FA11 OFF. 
David Jason obviously bought DE11 BOY and there are rumours that
Jordan has bought ME11 ONS
but don't worry there's still a chance for you to get BA11 BAG or BE11 END.
Only hindsight has 20/20 vision
Angiegram - A romantic notion derived from the more mundane truth.

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

Offline Paddy

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #235 on: March 16, 2011, 09:24:12 pm »
The 2011 car reg's are out a famous Jockey bought FA11 OFF. 
David Jason obviously bought DE11 BOY and there are rumours that
Jordan has bought ME11 ONS
but don't worry there's still a chance for you to get BA11 BAG or BE11 END.


 _))*

I'll have FA11 GUY, you can have DO11 PEN!

Offline Pendragon

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #236 on: March 16, 2011, 10:19:14 pm »
 _))* Nah I'll have FA11 OUT or DO11 FIN
Only hindsight has 20/20 vision
Angiegram - A romantic notion derived from the more mundane truth.

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

Yorkie

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #237 on: March 17, 2011, 08:51:08 am »
What about - B1 GUN, B1 GUY,  OLD 1E,   SEX 1E,  DUN 1T,  BUT 1E,   SOD 1T,  the list goes on!    L0L

Offline Merddin Emrys

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #238 on: March 17, 2011, 08:57:38 am »
I'll stick with P155 OFF  L0L
A pigeon is for life not just Christmas

Yorkie

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #239 on: March 17, 2011, 08:58:46 am »
Would be nice but the DVLA won't allow it!     _))*