Author Topic: Less clean jokes: adults only  (Read 171976 times)

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Offline Fester

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #345 on: December 17, 2013, 11:50:09 am »
Ian, many thanks for the private message, (unrelated to this topic) which I have just read.

I cannot reply to that as I am not 'switched on', however... there is indeed a lot they can do for cataracts, if they CHOOSE to.

My ophthalmic surgeon, (who turned up for only one out of five of my appointments), told me that despite it being an advancing one, no doctor would operate on it for a few years.
He then sent me away with a leaflet telling me that 'Cataracts are easily dealt with these days, and are not left to worsen'

I was also referred to the 'Cataract Pathway Team', who have a 16 week waiting time.
50 weeks later, neither my GP or I have heard anything from them!
Fester...
- Semper in Excretum, Sole Profundum Variat -

Offline Ian

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #346 on: December 17, 2013, 12:17:46 pm »
Hmmm.. It ought not to be that way, but it does seem that to get treatment for non-life threatening conditions you all too often have to make something of an issue.
Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.  ― Michel de Montaigne

Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes.


Offline Fester

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #347 on: December 17, 2013, 12:50:52 pm »
Hmmm.. It ought not to be that way, but it does seem that to get treatment for non-life threatening conditions you all too often have to make something of an issue.

Indeed, 2014 will be the year of the 'Assertive Fester', where medical matters are concerned.
Fester...
- Semper in Excretum, Sole Profundum Variat -

Offline Yorkie

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #348 on: December 17, 2013, 02:07:18 pm »
I had a cataract operation in 1990 and it does not seem as though things have improved getting treatment.  I asked when i would be done and told six months.  I then told them I would have it done privately, and lo and behold  the NHS did it within a couple of weeks.   Whether this will happen now, I don't know but will soon find out as my other eye has a cataract forming.
  $walesflag$
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Fools have to say something.
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Offline Yorkie

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #349 on: December 18, 2013, 01:24:49 pm »
Merry Christmas to all my readers!   And a Happy and Peaceful 2014.
Wise men have something to say.
Fools have to say something.
Cicero

Offline Ian

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #350 on: December 18, 2013, 01:58:55 pm »
 _))* _))* _))*
Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.  ― Michel de Montaigne

Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes.

Offline Merddin Emrys

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #351 on: December 18, 2013, 02:04:30 pm »
 _))*  _))*. Merry Christmas!
A pigeon is for life not just Christmas

Offline mull

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #352 on: December 18, 2013, 05:52:56 pm »
Good to see the jokes are back again    $good$

Offline Ian

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #353 on: December 21, 2013, 08:24:06 am »
F: this is for Less Clean jokes only.  You'll have to find a place where you can post Racist jokes, I'm afraid.
Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.  ― Michel de Montaigne

Si hoc legere scis, nimis eruditionis habes.

Offline Fester

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #354 on: December 21, 2013, 09:21:43 pm »
It's OK Ian..... I did it for pure devilment that's all......   WWW WWW........ and 'someone' put me up to it, purely to test the reactions of his fellow moderator. 
His name shall remain anonymous, but I can reveal that his initials begin with Dave Roberts.  :laugh: :laugh:

I commend your speedy reflexes, Sir!
Fester...
- Semper in Excretum, Sole Profundum Variat -

Offline Tosh

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #355 on: December 21, 2013, 10:17:51 pm »
My mate who is dyslexic told me this, honest.
He thought that he had found the memorial to Nelson Madela but it turned out that it was, wait for it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

                                                        NISSAN MAIN DEALER

                                                                     sorry.

Offline Blongb

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #356 on: January 28, 2014, 10:58:36 pm »
" Morning Sex "

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast,
wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly,
"You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or
this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment,
I embraced her and then Gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,
her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Quot homines tot sententiae: suus cuique mos.
(There are as many opinions as there are people: each has his own view.)

Offline Blongb

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Re: Clean Jokes
« Reply #357 on: February 04, 2014, 07:44:52 pm »
Life just gets better as you get older, doesn’t it?

I was in a Nero Coffee Shop recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realised that I desperately needed to fart.
The place was packed but the music was really loud so, to get relief and reduce embarrassment, I timed my farts to the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.

I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my IPod.

This is what happens when senior citizens use technology!  :-}}}
Quot homines tot sententiae: suus cuique mos.
(There are as many opinions as there are people: each has his own view.)

Offline Yorkie

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Re: Re: Clean Jokes
« Reply #358 on: February 04, 2014, 08:26:12 pm »
I'll listen for you next time i'm in there!   :D

Another of my Mother's pearls of wisdom.  " i'm off out Mum!  Back soon."
"OK, Son, just remember that if you'e not in bed by 9 o'clock, you might as well come home!"
 _))*
Wise men have something to say.
Fools have to say something.
Cicero

Offline Yorkie

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Re: Less clean jokes: adults only
« Reply #359 on: February 07, 2014, 09:39:43 pm »
.
Wise men have something to say.
Fools have to say something.
Cicero